Remote server access not available

i’ve been tinkering with this for months

i run a mulvad vpn, an arris modem wifi router on a mac mini m4

i watch on apple tvs in my house on the same network and from time to time the show says it can’t reach the server and the remote access is always down in the settings

i’ve set up private dns and tinkered with router settings and nothing seems to work anyone have any ideas?

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<If providing server logs please do NOT turn on verbose logging, only debug logging should be enabled>